ATTN HQ:
Following the return of my family I have kept a much closer eye on all of them, especially Mum. They may have escaped once (thanks again to everyone at Air Canada, and all the koalas, for bringing my family back to me); I assure you it will never happen again.
In return for abiding by house rules, I have been promised to be brought on more outings - allowing me to see for myself what they do away from the superstructure. I will wear sweaters to disguise myself as some cute wiener dog.
Mum hasn't been well, which has worried me. Nothing can happen to her, she's too important to my plan..., and it's not time yet. I haven't left her bedside, doorside, footside.
She seems to be misinterpreting this as "Love", or affection. Ridiculous [snort].
I'll play along because the snuggles are great, like any great spy would (right, James?)
I actually think her assumption of love may work in my favour, get me closer.
We already know how this story ends, and it certainly is not by infectious disease.
Until then, I will stay by her side, I will be cute, I will accept all the loving I am given and give back with some good ol' fashioned wiener dog smothering. She loves that - they all do.
Sincerely,
Mr. Mustard
