Thursday, September 29, 2011


Following the return of my family I have kept a much closer eye on all of them, especially Mum. They may have escaped once (thanks again to everyone at Air Canada, and all the koalas, for bringing my family back to me); I assure you it will never happen again.

In return for abiding by house rules, I have been promised to be brought on more outings - allowing me to see for myself what they do away from the superstructure. I will wear sweaters to disguise myself as some cute wiener dog.

Mum hasn't been well, which has worried me. Nothing can happen to her, she's too important to my plan..., and it's not time yet. I haven't left her bedside, doorside, footside. 

She seems to be misinterpreting this as "Love", or affection. Ridiculous [snort]. 
I'll play along because the snuggles are great, like any great spy would (right, James?) 
I actually think her assumption of love may work in my favour, get me closer. 

We already know how this story ends, and it certainly is not by infectious disease.
It just isn't time yet.

Until then, I will stay by her side, I will be cute, I will accept all the loving I am given and give back with some good ol' fashioned wiener dog smothering. She loves that - they all do.

Mr. Mustard

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Attn HQ:

Evidence that I am an experienced hoverdog...
both on land, 
and on water.

Mr. Mustard (Superfly Wiener)

Friday, July 1, 2011

Attn HQ:

I pretended to be lazily laying in the warm grass, but really I was there to taste it.

At your service,
Mr. Mustard

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Attn HQ:

My assignment in the garden is bustling, but here I blossom under the sun, in the air. I am the garden dog. These are MY flowers. As you will learn I am very close to total garden possession.
I make my rounds, around the tomato plant, which is mine.
I stop to smell the flowers, which are mine.
I listen to my flowers, and keep watch over my flowers.
 Pretty soon I will fill all this space with more flowers for me...only me, all for me.
Around some of the larger flower beds Mum and Dad have erected a small fence - enough to deter and Basset Hound, and clear enough for a Golden Retriever to understand, but I am but a wiener dog...just a cute little wiener dog who sometimes loses my way and wanders though the fence.
I've discovered that by using my charm and small brown eyes I am able to avoid reprimand for crossing the garden border.
Soon ALL the garden flowers will be mine.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Attn HQ:

Celebrating one year of being me

Just the night before there was a great discussion about the 'no dogs on the table rule', but there I am trotting around on the table in the family birthday hat. I wasn't able to wear it long enough to fully understand the magic it possesses, and I'll have to wait a whole year to wear it again. Now I understand why Gromit was so excited to see it again he couldn't resist trying to nibble it off my head (which is how I ended up on the table for some photos).

My birthday was lacking a cake but we did get some more liver treats, which will have to do. There were no sausages or wieners either, for which I will file a letter of complaint. The day before was filled with vegetables falling to the floor, including a large chunk of cucumber and a great number of peas. All the leftovers from Mother's day overwhelmed the fridge allowing for no more additions to the feast. Instead I was given a long red long-doggie stuffy (photos to follow) to interrogate, and a new polka dot leash (Mum says all the tough guys have them) which will allow me to extend the same distance as Gromit and Claire on our leash-walks. I've been promised special sausages in my honour "some day soon"...pfft.

A few days ago we went to the Tree Farm where I continued to collect geomatic data for my secret project. The place is a labyrinth for the curious and brave explorer such as me. 

Many sticks were taken into custody by Claire, and barked at be myself and Gromit.
I covered most of the enchanted forest with my luck dragon, 
though Claire though we were merely playing a game of capture the flag..

The maps will follow.

Mr. Mustard

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Attn HQ:

There were three of us (dogs) to the one duck. A pink duck at that, given to Claire for Easter. It was easily captured... too easily. It remains with us, now unstuffed having revealed everything he knew. Unfortunately we didn't learn anything we don't already know about stuffed ducks. It turns out pink ducks are rather dumb, not very capable, and are generally only of interest for their looks.

I took it upon myself to take this ridiculous, gorgeous beast back to my new baby blue bed
(Mum says all the tough guys have them).
As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him...
..and nibbled upon his beak.
If caught in the act always look your most innocent. It always works for me.

I returned Claire's duck (she might have taken it from me) but I have had it in my possession since. Desire of having is the sin of covetousness.

Along with my new blue bed, I was also given a set of keys of which I can only have to examine while we are confined to our dog condos. The puzzles continue to keep me sharp, and on top of my game, but these keys are a great mystery. What will they unlock, what secret chewable door will they open? These are questions I hope to have answered for you soon. 

Until then,..

Mr. Mustard
(thank you Mr. William Shakespeare)